Thursday, September 24, 2009

My security blanket

My security blanket comes in the form of a pack of cigarettes. I don't even have to smoke them. Just having them nearby pacifies me.
Right now I have none and I do not like it one little bit. It is awful really that I even feel like this but I do.

I've always kind of wanted to give up smoking but haven't had the guts to actually attempt it and now I know why. I haven't even been without them for more than a couple of hours and all I can do is think about them.

My husband has had to go away for a family emergency. Before he left we went out to get anything I might need whilst he is gone. The only thing I really wanted was an extra pack of cigarettes so we got one. He put this pack in my bag but when he left he took a pack from home. That pack is the one I need now to tide me over until he gets back.

I realize he had his mind on other things and wasn't thinking what he was doing but bloody hell do I need those now.

To walk to the nearest garage would take me an hour which is fine but it has been raining all day today and my husband has our only working umbrella.

I can just imagine what will happen tomorrow. I'll be so desperate I'll go out in a thunderstorm and get struck my lightning or something. All for the sake of a pack of fags.

I'm actually annoyed at myself by becoming so obsessed with this but I cannot take my mind of it. I've been reading my book but I couldn't tell you what has been going on in it.

Ugh even writing about it is annoying me.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Spooky movie

I watched a movie on some random channel last night. I think the channel is called This but I could be wrong. The movie was called The Believers and it starred Martin Sheen.
The movie was right up my street as it was about a spooky old blood cult that used the religion Santeria as a cover (sort of). I don't know much about Santeria but it sounds like something I would be interested in reading about. I will have to look it up.
The movie was made in 1987 and of course the 80's feel to it made it even spookier.

Anyway, in the movie this spooky cult man put a curse on this woman by rubbing her powder compact. Then she got this spot on her cheek that grew and took up the whole side of her face. It started pulsing and she went you would...and I think she was going to kill herself but of course Martin Sheen came to her rescue and took her to hospital. Actually, I think there may have been a spider in her cheek as when Martin Sheen called the ambulance there was a big spider on the phone line.

Very spooky thing here...I have a spot on my cheek the same as the lady in the movie. I've had it for weeks and have done so well in not squeezing it. However, it isn't going away. Obviously this is because someone must have cursed me! So this morning I squeezed it. No spider came out or anything but I do feel better now I've done it and hopefully it will go now.

The movie never said what happened to the woman after she went into hospital. I wonder if she died.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Bra shopping on the cheap

I just remembered this after I posted earlier about my overheating at Traders Village.
Traders Village is a big market. They have loads of stalls there and like all markets there are some good bargains to be had and some real cheap shit.
I got one of those little things that you can put on the table and hang your bag off. They are a cool little thing and I got one with a cool little picture on it. It was $1 so if it doesn't work I can't complain.
Anyway, the thing I remembered was looking at some bras. There were a whole load of them and they were 3 for $10. They were cheap shit but for that price who can complain if they cut your shoulders and back into ribbons.
My sister in law was getting some and I was having a look but wasn't going to get any as I haven't measured myself for my American bra size and apparently it is different to British and European sizes.
Oh my goodness...that means I haven't bought myself a bra for over a year. Isn't that awful?
Anyway, I explained to the little woman on the stall that I wouldn't be buying anything as I didn't know my size. Well she was not having this and started sizing up my boobs. I would have been insulted if she hadn't been so generous in her guessing of my cup size. hahaha if only I was as large up top as she was thinking.
She grabbed a bra and hooked it round me to see if it would fit. It was kind of funny in an...oh my god, a stranger is touching my boobs, kind of way.
Her brazen sale tactics worked though and I thought I would get them as cheapo bras to tide me over until I could measure myself properly and buy some nice ones.
It was so awkward. They were really tacky bras. You know the type...playboy bunny emblems on them and stuff. It was kind of hard to say...eww I don't want that tack...especially when my sister in law was buying some of those kind. Because I was umming and ahhing the woman went to find me some more and came back with this horrendous red bra that was just yuck. It was padded but not in a good way. It was also a really bad red colour. It was just disgusting and her selling point to me was hilarious. She whispered to me...."this would be a good one...good for Valentine's Day huh?". Umm NO! lol. Not only do we not really do Valentine's Day but my husband is not going to be thrilled by some $3 manky market stall bra and if he was then oh dear lord have I made a mistake.
Ah it was funny. Trying hard not to say that out loud I said something to the effect of....hmmm no, I don't really like it.
For anyone interested (and I'm sure you are not) I ended up getting a fairly ordinary white one, a bright green one (I have a lot of green clothes so I was being practical) and a blue t-shirt material one with a hello kitty emblem. I just couldn't bring myself to get one of the ones with the playboy bunny on. I am no playboy bunny, lol. If I had less of a choice and had to get one of those I would have spent time picking it off just in case I was in an accident and taken to hospital. I could just imagine the doctors or whoever thinking...the cheek of her wearing that, lol.


Today in Houston the weather forecast is...rain...rain...rain and then some more rain.
This morning was gloomy and grey and I loved it. It hasn't really brightened at all either.
To look at it reminds me of an English autumn day but of course it is still very warm here so going outside ruins the illusion completely.
I miss the damp and dreary weather of home.

There is such a thing as SAD syndrome - seasonal affective disorder or as some call it...the winter blues. Well, as with most things I have this arse about face and suffer from this during the summer. I just don't feel myself in the heat at all. I'm more alive in colder weather and much more productive. Plus I hate summer clothes. I prefer winter coats, jumpers, scarves, and of course winter hats.

During the two weeks of summer we would occasionally get in England I would just hibernate until it was finished. It's not my thing at all.

I'm hoping that I will eventually adjust because otherwise my life in Texas will be sheer hell. I have noticed a sort of change....I now find 80 degrees to be tolerable. It's not much of a change though as this weekend just gone we went to Traders Village and I got overheated and because I felt nauseous we had to leave. I feel bad because I ruin things and I try to suffer on but really there comes a point when I physically just can't tough it out any longer.
My husband tries to understand but he just can't. Having lived here for so long it is just normal for him and I guess he will never truly be able to empathise with me.

Anyway, today is the most pleasant looking day I have seen for a long time so I will keep the blinds wide open for the rest of the day just so I can enjoy it whilst it lasts.