Thursday, September 24, 2009

My security blanket

My security blanket comes in the form of a pack of cigarettes. I don't even have to smoke them. Just having them nearby pacifies me.
Right now I have none and I do not like it one little bit. It is awful really that I even feel like this but I do.

I've always kind of wanted to give up smoking but haven't had the guts to actually attempt it and now I know why. I haven't even been without them for more than a couple of hours and all I can do is think about them.

My husband has had to go away for a family emergency. Before he left we went out to get anything I might need whilst he is gone. The only thing I really wanted was an extra pack of cigarettes so we got one. He put this pack in my bag but when he left he took a pack from home. That pack is the one I need now to tide me over until he gets back.

I realize he had his mind on other things and wasn't thinking what he was doing but bloody hell do I need those now.

To walk to the nearest garage would take me an hour which is fine but it has been raining all day today and my husband has our only working umbrella.

I can just imagine what will happen tomorrow. I'll be so desperate I'll go out in a thunderstorm and get struck my lightning or something. All for the sake of a pack of fags.

I'm actually annoyed at myself by becoming so obsessed with this but I cannot take my mind of it. I've been reading my book but I couldn't tell you what has been going on in it.

Ugh even writing about it is annoying me.

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